Idle

This blog is closing down.
All my update will be at my tumblr. hehe...
http://lengshmily.tumblr.com/

Tumblrrrrrr shooting

Guys, i've been inactive in blogging for sooooo long.
Just don't feel like to write something long and naggy you know.
So, i turn to TUMBLR!

Blogger makes me feel very "diary" or "reporting" for all this while.
Not an exact place for me to pop out my outrageous idea. HAHAHA kidding.
But i still like here.
Too many things happened in the past few months since my post grad life started.
Too much to tell & too much to write them down.


Big big occasion will updated with details over here in the future for sure!
Daily life basis or some naughty thingy will be over there. Hehe...see you there!

bersihkan lab mouse life

If you got my facebook, sure you'll know i've been updating the BERSIH latest news lately.

Why? I'm not actually interested in what they're doing but i'm seriously don't like how the government treat its nation, like we are some kind of puppet.

People wants peace, wants improvement, wants democracy, wants transparency. It is something too much for us to ask for?

Media, man power, money, system, EVERYTHING are in their hands and shape us whatever they like us to be.

We've been resilient, tolerant, obedient, mouth-shutting for how many years? Most of the people don't understand what is happening around us cause we choose to shut our eyes, our ears, our mouth up and pray for the "justice" or "equal".

If all of us are satisfied, why we react so grateful and happy when "equal" and "fair" are shown in our daily life?

I am not confident in Malaysia. Yes, this is my country. I love it. I love everyone, I enjoy being a Malaysian, mixing around, experiencing different culture and different food, but hey, are you trusting Malaysia's education system? political system? or should I ask "are you confident with our own systems?"

Huhh...sorry for all the craps.

Lab mouse chapter.

Yes. I am officially a lab mouse right now. Believe me or not, i am a lazy bum. You push me, then I will move a step.

You put a lot of pressure on me, I will move a mile away. 

That is what happened for me in these recent 2 weeks.

My boss went to Germany for the Nobel laureates something something and my ladies boss went Hong Kong.

You would think that "Wah, so nice hor, got 2 weeks holiday leh!"

Sorry loh. My bosses sent me a very, absolutely, definitely clear message that they want to see some progression when they are back in Malaysia next Monday.

Before they left Malaysia, my ladies boss asked :[Kai Leng, have you read the papers I gave me last time?]

Guys, the last time is 2 months ago. 

I replied [Umm...i read them but i'm not really understand it....]

[Kai Leng, I've been listening to this answer for many weeks, what you've been doing?!]

[Umm....um......um..................................]

and my boss sent me an email after he left Malaysia.

[You need to do following things......bla bla bla... Make sure you get all the information in hand by 11 July 2011.]

I print screen and put it on my desktop to remind me the tasks I need to do before they are back.

So, am I still in vacation right now?

I picked up the coffee I quit one year ago and keep convincing myself that I AM MOTIVATED, NOT STRESSED! Hahahahahhaha! Anyway, I am truly enjoy my lab mouse life =) Cheers!

Finale of my Biomedical science degree life

1. Fancy outing? CHECKED
2. Fancy food? CHECKED
3. Fancy job secured? CHECKED
4. Drunk by drinking korean soju and rice wine? CHECKED
5. Maintained moderate cgpa? CHECKED
6. Played hard? CHECKED
7. Get to know someone cool? CHECKED
8. Harmonized with coursemates? CHECKED
9. Did what i want? CHECKED
10. Study hard? CHECKED
11. Explored new stuff within myself? CHECKED
12. Did something desperately? CHECKED
13. Volunteered something? CHECKED
14. Learnt new language? CHECKED
15. Organized activities? either suka-rela or paksa-rela... CHECKED
16. Internet + laptop skills? CHECKED
17. Tears and laughters? CHECKED
18. Dance? CHECKED
19. Soul mates found? CHECKED
20. Band vocalist?CHECKED
21. Clubbing/ pub-ing? CHECKED
22. Vacation? CHECKED
23. Hurt someone? CHECKED
24. NO regrets? CHECKED.

End of my degree chapter. Let's start a brand new chapter babe!

Roller coaster chapter 1

Life is such a roller coaster and i'm just a passenger on it.

Decided to work as normal worker without any ambitious or any major plan in 2 years,

however, here i am. Go back to the research path.

Surprisingly, everything seems natural for me.

Before this, i was like - "either hometown and take care of my family or KL area and truly join the battle field."

Either dormant or active, that's all.

I think everything changed, starting on the moment i apply for the master project.

Unexpected, seriously.

First thought was just want to try my luck.

Accepted to work on this master project is largely due to my animated slide presentation.

That's another luck-trying. Luckily, it was not as bad as i thought it to be.

right now i'm still in disbelief. man....i'm going to further study.

Sincerely thanks my course mates for letting me move in to their house.

Flash back to the interview. I made some pretty stupid mistakes.

[So, do you have any other question?]

 Ya, i'm not sure i can come in June, cause i still haven't find housing.

[Well, you can ask those postgrads out there........old flat......K12......]

Yeah, but i also need to find transport cause i don't have transport.

[Well, bus services from old flat, UPM...equine park.............]

I was nodding my head for the entire session. In the end, i think he quite annoyed with this "problem" and said

[These are not an obstacle for you at all..............] etc tec

I was "yeah", "u-huh, u-huh", and Dr Cheah was observing me all the time while Dr Michael Ling did all the talking.

Then, come back to the same question.

[Do you have any other questions?]

I said "ya, so basically i will do all the reading etc etc in the first month, then start to do work on the second month?"and also "What time should i come for the lab? 9am??" and so on.

After a 5 hours nap, i started to roll my brain when i did my laundary.

"stupid me....holy crap....it was so unnecessary....bugging bout housing, transport & blah blah blah, oh shit...." was the only thing i got. 

I did it badly, it's so sad. I could have handled it better. 

My brain just jammed up and can't roll like it used to be. 

Blame it to the acute (2 weeks) sleep deprivation.

I'm going to have a Nigerian who published 4 papers as a degree holder and a Moroccan as teammates.

I was so traumatized till i can't help to keep thinking to improve myself.

I admit that i'm the worst in the neuroscience team. That's so sad.

Told my roommate bout this whole stuff yesterday.

[For the whole 6 months, they are going to shake their heads and go "tsk tsk tsk..." to me] I said.

[Try your best, you can do it, keep improving....] my roommate said.

then she asked [What's your mum's reaction bout this?]

Sadly, my mum was so tired and can't processed my words. 

In brief, my mum said [Find a house first lah, then see how loh, as long as you can provide yourself a meal, its okay...]

I said [but mum...i want MONEY....MONEY LEH.....]

[I also want money ah, but you sendiri decide lah]

[Ooh.......]

 So, basically, i'm on myself now.

I want to do research with a great pay. Money is my ultimate goal. You can call me materialistic or money-faced, but i'm loved money. That's the truth of me.

Meh......going to work it out anyway. 

Since i'm on the battle field, let's fight for our meals babe!

P.S: Siew, korea trip might postponed oh....sorry...

Sisters, let meet up in June/July ya!

Blistering blister

Till now i still wonder why i didn't feel any anxious and worries bout my hand.

Kay, story is like this.

One day i go to beach and la la la....i snorkeling, la la la...i put on all the sunblock, la la la....i eat plenty of fish, Oh, sorry, plenty of food, then la la la....i play with sea water all the time.

Come back to K17, nothing happened in my 1st day, but next my right hand, to be precisely, starts to get ITCHY.

So, i scratch loh.

The next day, BOOH! My right hand become black, especially the fingers. Back of my palm got some elderly age-marks.

 

1st day of darkening. See the half black middle finger?

So, i put lots and lots of lotion.

The next day, BAAM! Got 3 biji blisters!
I still thinking bout going to see doctor or not.
My family quite anxious bout all the cancer stuff, radiation from Japan lah etc etc....

Watching both of my hand, i feel nothing.
Bleach it? nah, never think of it.
No more evenly skin tone? hm..maybe.
All the scar and pigmentation, i feel normal. Perhaps i lost the sense of beauty.
Scar will heal eventually. Pigmentation will come as i'm getting older.

But i still wonder why i didn't feel anxious and feel ugly when i'm looking at my hands.
One thing for sure, cancer.
Not going to let my family to worry bout cancer. Comes to my thought that the croton oil i used in my FYP might exert something.
Everything comes with it own risk.
If this is the secondary sun burnt i've got from the Redang coke, i would love it =)

PS: Love, how bout we going to Krabi next year?

Rule ya!

Still have another, uhm...35 days till i can BREAK FREE!
Finally, im going to graduate!
Yay! I can't wait to start my whole new chapter of life.
Guess what? I'm going to get myself a danboard, a driving license, a brand new handphone and plenty of trip & travel after all this shit gets over!
I'm so going to take a road ahead and go!
Malacca trip with family first, Korea trip with loved Siew maybe.
Screw the bloody hell 2012 or something-look-a-like, i'm in charge of my life now!
Well, i'm not a missionary type of person. I'm a selfish bitch.
Try to get into my fishy zone if you want to get stink with me, i'm promise ya, no pain, no gain =)))
Oh, perhaps i'm just getting a little bit hype over here, some coffee job, ops, sorry.
I'm not a drunker, no, well, occasionally.
I must be crazy right now thinking bout all this, all i ever got to do is finish my result part 2 and start squeezing my discussion. Vomit out intro & literature review afterward.
Uhm...must be the "Redang island trip" coke. 
Tomorrow is my redang trip day with another 2 pretty-cool-crazy biachi. Threesome sounds nice for me as i prefer some loneliness right now. I wanna enjoy the wind, the sea, the fish and the people!
Till then, stay tuned my love, ain't left ya'all out of this. 


PS. 니가 필요해, 좋아해, 보고 싶은데, 경우에도 니가 몰라요.

2nd Malacca trip

Going to Malacca wasn't my intention in the 1st place due to all the fuss bout symposium i went last weekend, i'm quite tired to start a trip.

But, BOO! I'm going Malacca anyway coz i want to PLAY HARD.

1 hour of chit chatting bout Japanese language with Ah Pak (SSS = driver) made me realized actually i'm pretty much familiar with some common sentence  in Japanese. Hm...some credit to those BG & BL PC games i played.

We went to restaurant number 88! Haha, this number is so lucky. I have the chance to eat something Ah ken recommended......................Nyonya Laksa!!

Seriously, it is sour, spicy and loaded with meat. Lovin' it! The curry-look-alike below is Baba laksa! No santan but something like milk was put to bring out the laksa flavor, a little bit of milk sweet as you savor the laksa soup.

 Well, this one is a real stuff. Durian Cendol! I couldn't see the durian flesh there, i think they make it into some kind of creamy paste. I never knew durian can make cendol taste so special (in a good way LOL). 4 stars for this!!

Picture below illustrated DURIAN PUFF!! It was so tasty till the durian cream was burst our of SSS's mouth, muahahha! Thanks SSS for the entertainment-ness. 4 stars for this too! The shop is just beside "88" with 8 steps distance.

 

Next is our final and the ultimate intention of this Malacca trip. 

Mille Crepe from Nadeje restaurant ! 

Thousands layer of crepe are filled with cream and mousse! I love the texture in my mouth, especially the original flavor. Light sweet with some honey-like fragrance had abducted my taste buds. I bet this will beat secret recipe up if they open their outlet at KL.

 

Exhausted after all the rush bout my "material and method", im so dead tired so i slept all the way back K17.

*The bigger the pressure i've got, the stronger the urge to free myself out of this shyt. Blah, teenage rebellion? Guess so.

Oh ya, credits to my roomie for these pics!

Eyes opening

After attending the biomedic symposium, i realized i need a change. i mean an extreme makeover. From presentation style to my future view. I tend to narrow my sight due to my lack of confidence and more.

Things can be totally different if i hold them in another way.
I need to be creative, innovative, meticulous and most importantly BE BOLD.

Seriously, i never regret of be friend with some person in my course. They open my eyes to a wider view, not to become a typical chinese and learn to be a enjoyably and capable person.

I never forget how things changed in my eyes as i observe everything flow around me. For those who persist till the end, i admire you. For those who changed for the better, i envy of you. For those who seek for a new direction, i am going to learn from you.

I've been asleep for 3 years.

For this last semester, i want to race in my full speed and challenge myself to a higher potential.

I want to see where i am capable to reach after what i had achieved in my STPM.

Such a regret that i didn't make "TO WIN" as my goal in this symposium, meh....instead I'm doing "AVOID BEING EMBARRASSED /LOSE FACE". Perhaps thing will be different if i determined to win in the first place.Uhh, after a second thought. Nope. Because my presentation style is just WAY OFF compared to others. This kind of thing can't build overnight, so meh... take it as a lesson so i can do much much better in my VIVA later =))))

I am so fortunate that i was not choosing other PKK course except for life cycle for this semester. Transgenic & Medical Biotech did actually help me a lot in understand things outside my "skin cancer mouse model" box. Plus, Ethnopharmacology really boost my confident & knowledge about my FYP. Everything is related. Thanks for my sane which comes around last minute, thanks god.

And thanks god for letting me taste some heavenly seafood in Kuantan!

苦与甘

有时觉得自己真的是有点那个的。。。
深知自己是个需要外来动力才能向前走的人，不然你就会看到我继续的颓废下去，蘑菇就一直种一直种。
茅塞顿开，是我这一次的感觉。
之前的任性，漠视等等等等都是我的前奏。
看请了自己前面的选择，我一点都不后悔，因为早在几年前我就已经决定和他们呆在一起。
他们才是我的归宿。
责任感？不是，我不是个责任感的人。赋予我的责任只要在我眼中或心中没有重量是个零，更谈不上是个包袱。
不甘于现状？对。我是个有野心的人，不过你们看不到它的方向。
我不会说出：“为了他们” 这种话，因为那是推卸的说辞。
甘心，开心，愿意呆在一起，是我的选择，甘之如饴。

坦白说，我是个喜欢自虐的人。
小说啦，感情啦，课业啦，有虐才能感受果实的甜美嘛。
 看着以前会觉得是“背叛”的事情，淡然是我的感觉。
原来，当我建筑在他的信任上的感情淡然至消失，连所谓的“背叛”都没有impact power了。
当初的要生要死到现在的平淡，我深悟原来一开始就没有所谓的“感情”。
难怪他人总说爱情是盲目的。真的。
冷漠吗？不是。是一开始就以局外者的角度去尝试感受局内者的惊涛骇浪。
真的是超爱自虐的我。

友人说的话，一直让我有肯定又疑惑的感觉。
我没自信能给我的爱人幸福。
是的。这点，我是自卑的。
发放开去追并不是我的勇敢，而是我的逞强。
也许，我们都适合平淡的爱情吧？不求轰轰烈烈，但求细水长流，好让我们以后细细品尝，对吧？
自虐的我配上淡如水却犹如空气般自然的爱情，怪。
来吧来吧，替我把幕帘拉开，让我看看世人所深信又唾弃的感情是怎么个虐法。

Diary 2011

Let me talk this briefly.
It's my final semester.
I have decided.
Im going home and work.
Further study? After i settle my family down, when i finally can "RIP", then i will pursuit what i want. Well, probably "what i want" at that time will be different though.

FYP is making my hair go fuzzy and lesser and lesser =.=
Hopefully i can make it a go.

Others? Not my priority now. I need to be "RIP" then i can continue other stuff.

So, ciao!

Feed my savage beast beb!

*KACHING* *KACHING*

After my "survey" trip at Petaling Street with my roommate, today I am going to bring my dearest dear to feed our savage beast!
I can feel the excitement in my blood, wahahha!
In addition, its Siew who is coming to me, hohoho~ finally the asleep me is awaken.

And i am blaming my idle life for forgetting my toxicity mice, nah...they are still alive and jumping.
ONE MORE WEEK, one more week i shall be freed!!
and i am going home. Finally.

Resume my Bleach-ing life and as usual, Aizen is the most handsome & sexy one XD
Too bad he is the antagonist, but maybe because he is the bad guy so i think he is sexy....hmm.....一切尽在不言中....

Redang trip is pulling my hair. There is no more below RM400 trip included 2-way bus ticket as they raised the price since last year. Sigh.
So, it will be approximately RM450 (include marine park lah, snorkeling gadget lah, transport fees from KL to KT to Merang Jetty).
Haih, thought that i can get a cheaper price for a relatively comfortable place as I've got a tight budget for this semester.
Anyway, it is a getaway & reward, shall enjoy it to the max =)

House Rulez

In love with House Rulez AGAIN..
Never knew, it will be that lovely when it combines with voice, yes, voice.

New and sweet feeling, sink me to the deep blue sleep, hehe..

Here are they.

1. Romance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ur_QMRy3jQ&feature=player_embedded
2. After Moon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5S88-vq1Bg&feature=player_embedded

Anyway, sweet dream my angels... =)

飘渺

本以为把一切都放下了，岂知一句话就把我打回原形。
果然还没有释怀，它 依然还是我的底线。

也许是我强求了，也许一开始就错了，错在我的贪。
原来我是贪的。
贪心地想把所有的都放进心里，他人却不明
也以为放不进了，也不放了，怎知点点滴滴都蛀进去了，可笑
笑我的傻，痴， 更笑我的胆怯。

习惯性的麻痹和空白在那一刻才发现到头来原来都是我的逃避，
习惯性的无视，习惯性的忽略 原来只是逃避，
模糊自己的感觉，只为了 多一刻，再多一刻，就多那一刻。

想起那句他人对我说的“心思细腻”，无奈
深切的无奈
多想神经大条的继续感受着那一刻，继续在那一刻里假寐

也罢，
既然不明，既然不了，既然如此，如你所愿
我也不想在原地等着 看着你，
也不想追着背影，回头一瞥，看见的并不是原来的画面
也罢，
既然不愿看清，既然都不愿看得再深，如你所愿
背负那些底线
只希望能还我心飘渺，一点一滴的放下，直到我再也不放，也放不进任何东西
愿还我心飘渺

腐女

现在，我officially是个腐女了！

玩乙女和BL游戏，从纯洁到不纯洁的，玩得我一直呵呵大笑，对的，不是哈哈大笑，因为我是在奸笑。
BL男都比乙女的帅多了，又性感，又有阳光的，忧郁的，难怪腐女都说“BL王道！！”
因为我也全力支持BL!!
不过，我还没有那么大的胃口去玩GL。
一，太萝莉
二，没有美男。是美男，是第二/第三空间的美男，不是肌肉叔哦
三，声优太刺耳，不好听
四，我不是les。

玩了酱多个game，我腐女的第一次是给了“暗黑女王外传”，对于初学者而言是简单了。

给过后又玩了，“银之冠 碧之泪”，差点让我喷鼻血，成年人之间的关系果然还是不适合我啊，在选择要不要出轨叻，要不要叻，就很烦，太深沉了。

接下来，就是乙女向的经典游戏“Under the moon"。还记得，几年前下载了日文版，不会玩也不会看，就不了了之了。基本上，我很想skip掉那些那个的情节的，可是男主又只要在那个时候才告白啦，惭愧啦，所以我都是遮掉图片，看字幕而已（不然我的roommate & housemate会吓死叻! 难怪他们说UTM其实是乙男向的画面啦，切！）

第四个，就是我人生第一次尝试BL game就是黑执事的同人游戏“Question”啦。老实说，我还以为我会很反感，因为里面有3P，蜡烛，鞭子，原来。。其实。。。唉，自己去看吧。原来Sebastian你.....

第五个，玩了一个星期都还没有破完的彩云国物语同人游戏“白花恋诗 本传”。在这里，我深深的体会到玩game的SL大法（就是save & load是也），玩到我很pek cek，追一个男生还要死命打工，约他出来，送礼送礼，麻烦。
That's why i move to the next game,hehe...那个白花恋诗就等我有空的时候才去追静兰吧。

放弃白花恋诗的当晚，我就破了 薄樱鬼 同人游戏“邂逅”，哈哈，原来我还没失水准。

接下来，我应该会慢慢玩吧，因为现在手头上有27新game。
现在呢比较有mood看原创小说。
BL的小说我还是不敢看，因为怕看了我不敢玩game。
嗯。。。这之中的深意你们有机会就慢慢的去体验吧。

上面game的玩后感和攻略，下回才补上，现在我要开始“ 琉璃般若花”。。。

Winterplay. A fusion jazz band

Accidentally discover this fusion jazz band and yeap, it is from Korea with the name of "Winterplay".
Seriously, their albums keep replay and replay in my TTplayer.
I never thought i would fall in love with jazz.

Come back with their second album "Touche Mon Amour", i am truly captivated by its mischievous yet "lazy" melody with her sexy voice.
Don't believe me? Download it here. http://www.mediafire.com/?c7acm5vzeya7cqr
Their debut album called "Choco snowball" also available here.http://www.mediafire.com/?btjarn2ghyw

"Quando, Quando, Quando" and their hit song "Touche mon amour" are my favorite songs of all.
Some of their songs are sentimental yet some are playful like whispers between lovers and mates.

For more details, visit their site =) http://www.winterplay.net/

穿

惨了，最近偶的小说瘾越来越有严重的趋向了。
天天都看原创，我发现原创总是离不开穿越这个环节。
架空穿越啦，古代穿越啦，神仙的 等等等等

还有发现NP也不错，呃。。。不是那个，是指一女N男的言情啦，
原创的一对一更能赚人热泪，因为更多的波折啊，
呵呵。。情，就是要经过三波四折才能坚牢滴。

真的很佩服这堆作家，上至60岁，下至10岁都能创言情！
不过其实原创的比较有人情味点啊，比较实在，偶不怎么好传统的言情，太花俏，没啥真实感，唉。。

不过呢 偶还是不能看男男滴，就是所谓的耿美啦，不是联美，是耿美，“耿”读geng第三声，
不管是一对一还是一男N男，都不能。
不过呢，以后的事谁知道呢？
现在偶都能接受NP了，酱偶看男男的日子指日可待啊～
搞不好，偶以后最喜欢的是男男叻，呵呵呵。。

现在偶的记录是一天千多页的小说，吼吼吼！
害偶两个早上不能起身去看偶的老鼠们，闷。。。

唉。。讲完了，回来原本的我。
今天就要部署我明天的韩文会话考试了，唉。。

Corrupted ingredient

The whole culture is corrupted. I realized. After 3 years of staying here with my Biomedical science.
Is it my fault? It is my final year here, i can't stand the so-called relax yet stressful lifestyle here.
Maybe it is due to my supervisor, my project title or it is just me.

She graduated this year i guess.
I always admire her passion for her dance and her group. I can see she devoted her whole heart on it.
and she tells this to her juniors.
"invest everything you have. embrace the fact that it’s your last year. welcome the pain of saying “bye” because dc is worth your tears & heartaches. ..oh and don’t forget to spoil the newbies"

Bam. I am not a good investor, i am a coward and i am a cruel bitch.
However now i want to take in everything as i did before when i was a newbie cause it's my last time for doing so.

I've been stepping on the same place for 3 years. I am not improving myself, i knew it.
Where is my future? Where am i in the next 5 years?
Deep down inside, i am truly afraid. I am terrify of stepping out. Same as what i am 3 years ago.

I have been wasting 3 years for nothing.
I have nothing to be proud of. Academic? PLEASE....not the top and not the lousiest.
and the "hard-to-teach" skills? I am a coward, i am, from what i did in my finishing school.
Kind of disappointed of myself.

Need some self-searching. Need some break though.
Need the determination i had during my STPM exam.
Need to be freed from this corrupted ingredient of mine.

都是烦

明天考韩语生字了，
还有六篇作文还没交，完蛋。

明天和老板讨论我的project，
没有挽回的余地，我就舍小鼠取大鼠。

出游记

最近尝试了些新的东西。
新的邮箱，新的网络U盘，新的下载地点，新的歌 和 新的感觉。

终于，考试，课业告个小段落。
当晚，出游跟大伙儿去吃顿饭。
今天，以学姐的毕业礼物为由，大出游了一整天。

发现，我，贪心了
发现，我，不甘于现状
发现，原来我也能这样与人相处
发现，久违的欣慰
发现 发现 很多 很多的新东西
也发现，为你 我能。

明天，另个出游天
可为我的亲亲老鼠拒绝了早餐的出游，
因为下午的出游才是重点，呵呵
同学的open house,这次怎样都要到，感受他们的热情，不然没机会了（最后一年嘛）
学长学姐们的毕业典礼，为他们祝福，也为我们Biomedic做个聚头。

坦白说，我很期待，真的很期待
因为，明年的我就是现在的你们
也因为种种的原因  让我想珍惜这些时光，好好感受在同学堆里的感觉，好好的活着！