Saturday, April 23, 2011

Roller coaster chapter 1

Life is such a roller coaster and i'm just a passenger on it.
Decided to work as normal worker without any ambitious or any major plan in 2 years,
however, here i am. Go back to the research path.
Surprisingly, everything seems natural for me.
Before this, i was like - "either hometown and take care of my family or KL area and truly join the battle field."
Either dormant or active, that's all.

I think everything changed, starting on the moment i apply for the master project.
Unexpected, seriously.
First thought was just want to try my luck.
Accepted to work on this master project is largely due to my animated slide presentation.
That's another luck-trying. Luckily, it was not as bad as i thought it to be.
right now i'm still in disbelief. man....i'm going to further study.
Sincerely thanks my course mates for letting me move in to their house.

Flash back to the interview. I made some pretty stupid mistakes.

[So, do you have any other question?]
 Ya, i'm not sure i can come in June, cause i still haven't find housing.

[Well, you can ask those postgrads out there........old flat......K12......]
Yeah, but i also need to find transport cause i don't have transport.
[Well, bus services from old flat, UPM...equine park.............]
I was nodding my head for the entire session. In the end, i think he quite annoyed with this "problem" and said
[These are not an obstacle for you at all..............] etc tec
I was "yeah", "u-huh, u-huh", and Dr Cheah was observing me all the time while Dr Michael Ling did all the talking.

Then, come back to the same question.
[Do you have any other questions?]
I said "ya, so basically i will do all the reading etc etc in the first month, then start to do work on the second month?"and also "What time should i come for the lab? 9am??" and so on.

After a 5 hours nap, i started to roll my brain when i did my laundary.
"stupid me....holy was so unnecessary....bugging bout housing, transport & blah blah blah, oh shit...." was the only thing i got. 
I did it badly, it's so sad. I could have handled it better. 

My brain just jammed up and can't roll like it used to be. 

Blame it to the acute (2 weeks) sleep deprivation.

I'm going to have a Nigerian who published 4 papers as a degree holder and a Moroccan as teammates.
I was so traumatized till i can't help to keep thinking to improve myself.
I admit that i'm the worst in the neuroscience team. That's so sad.

Told my roommate bout this whole stuff yesterday.
[For the whole 6 months, they are going to shake their heads and go "tsk tsk tsk..." to me] I said.
[Try your best, you can do it, keep improving....] my roommate said.
then she asked [What's your mum's reaction bout this?]

Sadly, my mum was so tired and can't processed my words. 

In brief, my mum said [Find a house first lah, then see how loh, as long as you can provide yourself a meal, its okay...]
I said [but mum...i want MONEY....MONEY LEH.....]
[I also want money ah, but you sendiri decide lah]
 So, basically, i'm on myself now.

I want to do research with a great pay. Money is my ultimate goal. You can call me materialistic or money-faced, but i'm loved money. That's the truth of me.
Meh......going to work it out anyway. 
Since i'm on the battle field, let's fight for our meals babe!

P.S: Siew, korea trip might postponed oh....sorry...
Sisters, let meet up in June/July ya!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Blistering blister

Till now i still wonder why i didn't feel any anxious and worries bout my hand.
Kay, story is like this.
One day i go to beach and la la la....i snorkeling, la la la...i put on all the sunblock, la la la....i eat plenty of fish, Oh, sorry, plenty of food, then la la la....i play with sea water all the time.
Come back to K17, nothing happened in my 1st day, but next my right hand, to be precisely, starts to get ITCHY.
So, i scratch loh.
The next day, BOOH! My right hand become black, especially the fingers. Back of my palm got some elderly age-marks.
1st day of darkening. See the half black middle finger?

So, i put lots and lots of lotion.
The next day, BAAM! Got 3 biji blisters!
I still thinking bout going to see doctor or not.
My family quite anxious bout all the cancer stuff, radiation from Japan lah etc etc....

Watching both of my hand, i feel nothing.
Bleach it? nah, never think of it.
No more evenly skin tone? hm..maybe.
All the scar and pigmentation, i feel normal. Perhaps i lost the sense of beauty.
Scar will heal eventually. Pigmentation will come as i'm getting older.

But i still wonder why i didn't feel anxious and feel ugly when i'm looking at my hands.
One thing for sure, cancer.
Not going to let my family to worry bout cancer. Comes to my thought that the croton oil i used in my FYP might exert something.
Everything comes with it own risk.
If this is the secondary sun burnt i've got from the Redang coke, i would love it =)

PS: Love, how bout we going to Krabi next year?