my father

recently i use up all my meal plan, now left RM12 only.
then i ask mum to banking some money to me,
then mum say ok.
the next day, ah mei sms me say mum banking rm100 to me.
mum give rm50, dad give rm50, the dad's rm 50 suppose to use to go for a blood test...
dad is quite unwell recently,
before i come back from chinese new year, one night he was having some breathing problem and keep sweating cold sweat...look like getting to stroke...
then, ah mei also didn't tell me all the story, just say one night......
then i call mum, ask her what happen and ask her to take back the money and take father to hospital for body check up.
then mum say, he doesn't want to go.
mum ask me to sms father at night, asking him to take care of himself and go for a blood test.

suddenly i feel like want to cry.
i realize i can't afford to lose my father.
how im going to do without my father is around..
he is my mental support, now i realize..
then im study now, can;t go out and work.
if something happened to him, how we going to do?
i think i need to quit my study and work.
quiting it means i quit it all, my future, my dream....but how im going to do?

im worry bout him, im worry bout everything...
i don't want he got anything bad happened to him..
i haven't be nice to him, haven't xiao4 shun4 him...

and now,,,i haven't start study about my biochemistry test..
my pointer is drop, lousy...
even my friend also can't believe i got this kind of point...

what should i do...
im not in the mtm list already.
means im not related to anything bout mtm anymore..
feel quite sad actually, coz this is the one i want, but seems like im not the one they looking for...
quite angry with myself, disappointed...and disappointed again...

where is my place?
where am i?
where should i put myself?
no where i think.

its over, its all over, and i need to think about father, my father, he is my father.
even he is not that good but still he is my father.
my father.