the week & me

This is a week after i back college 17 from chinese new year break.

I, currently called as shmily or leng, this is my current profile :

1. 21 years old
2. grown up at tawau, lahad datu (both at sabah - 15 years), then batu pahat, johor and now...college 17, UPM, Serdang, Selangor, Malaysia.
3. sagittarius + fire rabbit
4. UPM, degree of Biomedical Science, first year, second semester
5. currently secretary of Biomedical Science club
6. is a b-rat
7. like to do "work", organize activity, play, join any competition or anything which promise that i'll have fun.
8. like to sleep at ysim's arm
9. now need to lose 5 kg according to TANITA (body composition analyzer)

Last sunday, take the same bus as my friends. Happy ^^ i like them, cause they treat me eat new year biscuit and nuts~!

I've realised that i treat here as my home already...at the moment i saw our house empty because of everyone went home and left me here with bob going to the KPO. Feel like can't separate apart from everything here already.. the fact made me feel sad..cause we are going to back home no matter what we are going to go through for the next 3 years... since when i'm so fond of here until i rather stay here with you all around and not going home...

Kind of sceptical...don't want to do anything, just want to stay beside you all and listen to all our conversation, teasing each other, make some cold jokes and more.. and i'm lefting my rats behind with their own...

zen's word make me can't resist to change myself. trying to make me feel peace and calm. not to be very noisy to other. kind of hurt actually when he say it with the serious face but later i have to admit that what he say it is right. bingo!

what happened to me?

i feel empty.... empty...

the crush with him made me mad with myself, why i can make this kind of mistake...how can i think it is possible where he is a another world...why i do this to me...i'm torturing myself....

this week is a total sien week for me. Not feel to do work, not feel to do activity, not feel like want to do anything, i can't even sleep well (for last night cause i'm the ajk for senamrobik in carnival ideal 17, need to be there at 8am and i don't want to left a bad impression to them).

i need to lose 5 kg. i knew it! 40.7 kg of freee fat body mass! 16 over kilo of fat! 440 of impendence! BMI almost reach obese gred 1, but normal waist-hip ratio...weird..?

i think i lost my confidence after i get my first test results. All are suck. the lowest among chinese. and i had the stupid fever on the exam week, cause me study right before test with headache and the feeling of uncomfortable.

feel tired acutally...

i really tired....

mentally tired...

want to break....

want to throw away everything...

want to sleep, want to rest....

waiting for you, shimily.