消化不良

坦白说，对我的supervisor，我除了感激 还是感激。
最后一天，她给了我很诚恳的忠告。
她说，我缺乏自信，可是对自己喜欢的事很积极。
她也说，我对我的未来没什么大期望，没什么抱负。

她对我说，她一路走来的心声，从毕业出来只做个千二块的薪水 而且又不related他的course的工，
半工半读去读master,一边做工一边做自己master的research，到后来被召去应征这份工的两个月空窗期里，把以前degree到所有的东西重新读过，充分的准备，不让自己之前的努力白费。到得到这份工，必须从沙捞越来到吉隆坡，在没有任何住宿和交通的情况下，住在IMR对面的廉价酒店。。。

她一边说 眼眶有时还泛着泪光，我看得出她的“苦尽甘来”的感触，看得出她想告诉我的是什么。

每个人都说“机会在你眼前，就要狠狠的抓住它”，可是我自知 我从来都不敢去抓住这些机会，还质疑它的可靠性 。

这次，我了解到。
我想深造，其实是抱着逃避的心态，因为对外界的不肯定，也对自己不肯定。
我发现，其实 我想守株待兔。
其实 我一直都不敢踏出我的comfort zone。

一年后，我能找到要的吗？
我不知道，我只知道 我现在还不能完全消化那天复杂的感觉。
那天，在毫无预计的情况下，我们结束了这话题，我也完全来不及把我的话告诉她，只是匆匆忙忙的又跑过去和她合照留念，然后我们就这样的，结束了我们的实习。
直到 Zul 要回宿舍的那时刻，我才发现，我们结束了我们的实习，也许不再见面了，突然无法消化这感觉，我只能与她约在下次回来找我们的supervisor和另个朋友，希望我们能再续这段友谊。

我想，我变了。我真的变了。

No title

Too many things happened recently.

Read a new manga "Gekka No Kimi" which is loosely based on Tale of Genji, like it!

UKiss came Malaysia, and yes....Dayana get the chance to hug one of them and a lot of "to-be-continue" stuff happened between them, kind of envious but i can't bear to burn my RM120 for the fanmeeting ticket >_>
and she talking bout diet as her BMI is 20....kind of fed up with her "obsession", you look great as you are now okay?! Whatever. Its your life.

Went to korean cuisine at Jang sok chun aka 장수촌 or 长寿村 at Ampa ng just now for my BBQ dinner.
Wanted to try tteokbogi aka 炒年糕 but too full. Sigh...tomorrow need to puasa dy....
Drink a bit Soju aka 烧酒 (Attention: kids are not allowed) and realized i can blush!
Well, i've been not sleeping well for few days, hope this alcohol drink will do the job.

Changed to Bacteriology department this week, stay in mycobacterium lab for 2 days.
See all the pus, sputum, CSF, pleural fluid, i hardly believe i can still have my meal till now...urgh....
Learnt, or i should say "observe" Real time PCR, conventional PCR, preparation of agarose gel, run electrophoresis and DNA extraction from clinical specimen.

Drank my 1st Choya Umeshu aka 梅酒 when i work at Low Yat.

IT IS DAMN DELICIOUS!

I shall buy the big bottle when i get my money! Woohoo!
Get to know my senior Jun Zheng better (Attention: 此君政非彼君政) through out the work as he ran away and left me behind when i was caught by security guard >_>
Still, he is a friendly person, erm...innocent maybe? hahha....i don't know, you tell me.

and.....
Siew....i love you. I am sincerely loving you. Thankyou for all you've done to me, i am touched.

I love you =)

Blue han-gul

The only thing i am disappointed with is my korean.
I have been thinking since i saw my korean result. "Is this my level?" "Is this it?!" "F**k!"
I have no idea what is going on......
Am i not hardworking enough? i think so...........................
Am i too ignorant bout my level? too carried away? i think so..........................
I don't know. I don't know.
I am f**king sad, honestly.
Despite of my fanatic bout korean songs, this and that, this is what i got.
May be i am just now serious bout this, may be i didn't put enough effort, may be.....
I'm not even close to sad or moody when i failed other subject, why.....why this subject...??
Tried not to think so much....but my heart is aching.........damn sad, damn moody.

Mycotoxin in rice?!

Formally informed that mycotoxin also present in rice.
Today i am having a bengkel from Stable Arm sdn bhd, i think it is a distributor company cause a person from LCTech (base at Germany) come and show us the machine.Uhum, sorry, there is no any yan dau blue eyes ang moh, just a malaysian LOL

First. GPC aka Gel Permeation Chromatography.
The thing i understand is this thing is the latest alternative for SPE aka Solid phase extraction, which is automated and lots more advantages lah...

Second. AcceClean....something like SPE but automated & capable of analyse more sample.

Third. AflaREAD & OtaREAD ELISA kits which are used to detect mycotoxin.
The AflaREAD kit detect alfa-toxin and the OtaREAd kit detect ochratoxin.
hm.................

Afla = alfa  & Ota =  Ochra

Ota = Otak-otak?!

cold............................................

The presentation bout the mycotoxin makes me wonder (like Maroon 5)

looks exactly like lecture note. WTF....

Looks like mycotoxin also has it golden rules : got fungi doesn't mean got mycotoxin, no fungi doesn't mean no mycotoxin, we don't know why fungi produce this bloody hell mycotoxin and we don't know when they produce them also. 了吗？

Actually it is his ring that occupied my mind.

Well, i don't know how to differentiate between engagement ring and marriage ring so i just assume it is a marriage ring then. hm...maybe i should investigate the differences between both ring.

It is so dazzling even though it look as it have been used for quite some time.

The ring is so shining like saying :"Hey, im married!" and i was so damn sleepy till i don't even care whatever the person yapping about and keep looking at the ring.

Well, i can tell that the guy is really proud and confident with the mycotoxin ELISA kit as he been doing mycotoxin before this, hope one day i will have something which i am proud to talk about, like what he was doing just now. Peace.

Mycotoxin present in rice, dates, dried chili, peanut, peanut butter, corn and lots more stuff.

I think he had inspire the researchers at the venue to do something bout analyse mycotoxin level in rice as we analyse it in animal food but never did it on our main food - rice.

He done a really good job today, thanks him, StableArm and IMR for this exposure LOL

Dr Nurul from the PAH analysis project i followed few weeks ago asked me :"Did you get what you want here?" as she asking us when we finish our internship there.

Without hesitation, i answered :"Yes."

She said :"Thats good."

Sincerely, i get more than i expected over here. Total exposure to research field. 

Furthermore, strengthen my determination to further study =)

and i am kind of addicted to their library, lots of books! I mean the books i am willing to read! God knows i never sit down properly to read something except about gossip. LOL

Till now, i still think i'm been blessed all this while. Thank you =)

Shojo manga fever

Recently read too much manga, all bout Shojo / romance.
Except for the Bleach.

Sometimes, i feel a bit awkward, or rather i should say "emo" bout the ending of those romance stories.
I've been thinking bout this for a while.
Okay. First, the growing affection between the boy and the girl.
Then, confession.
After that, conflict or obstacles you may say.
Then, end with marriage or something else.

I'm not saying that i don't want a happy ending (who don't want a happy ending lar?!)
but the thing keeps bothering my mind is : "What happened after that?"

Okay, maybe a simple normal life for the couple, just simple happiness.
Or, something slash in and they break apart.
Then? I don't get it. What will happened next...........the cycle comes again?
I don't understand.

I admit that i like to have an eternal love like what have been illustrated in Twilight Saga series, but still...i still thinking....what's next?

Maybe this is beyond my comprehension, but my mind keep puzzled by this.
Or it is just simply because i desire something different, different than the "normal cycle".