Idle

This blog is closing down.
All my update will be at my tumblr. hehe...
http://lengshmily.tumblr.com/

Tumblrrrrrr shooting

Guys, i've been inactive in blogging for sooooo long.
Just don't feel like to write something long and naggy you know.
So, i turn to TUMBLR!

Blogger makes me feel very "diary" or "reporting" for all this while.
Not an exact place for me to pop out my outrageous idea. HAHAHA kidding.
But i still like here.
Too many things happened in the past few months since my post grad life started.
Too much to tell & too much to write them down.


Big big occasion will updated with details over here in the future for sure!
Daily life basis or some naughty thingy will be over there. Hehe...see you there!

bersihkan lab mouse life

If you got my facebook, sure you'll know i've been updating the BERSIH latest news lately.

Why? I'm not actually interested in what they're doing but i'm seriously don't like how the government treat its nation, like we are some kind of puppet.

People wants peace, wants improvement, wants democracy, wants transparency. It is something too much for us to ask for?

Media, man power, money, system, EVERYTHING are in their hands and shape us whatever they like us to be.

We've been resilient, tolerant, obedient, mouth-shutting for how many years? Most of the people don't understand what is happening around us cause we choose to shut our eyes, our ears, our mouth up and pray for the "justice" or "equal".

If all of us are satisfied, why we react so grateful and happy when "equal" and "fair" are shown in our daily life?

I am not confident in Malaysia. Yes, this is my country. I love it. I love everyone, I enjoy being a Malaysian, mixing around, experiencing different culture and different food, but hey, are you trusting Malaysia's education system? political system? or should I ask "are you confident with our own systems?"

Huhh...sorry for all the craps.

Lab mouse chapter.

Yes. I am officially a lab mouse right now. Believe me or not, i am a lazy bum. You push me, then I will move a step.

You put a lot of pressure on me, I will move a mile away. 

That is what happened for me in these recent 2 weeks.

My boss went to Germany for the Nobel laureates something something and my ladies boss went Hong Kong.

You would think that "Wah, so nice hor, got 2 weeks holiday leh!"

Sorry loh. My bosses sent me a very, absolutely, definitely clear message that they want to see some progression when they are back in Malaysia next Monday.

Before they left Malaysia, my ladies boss asked :[Kai Leng, have you read the papers I gave me last time?]

Guys, the last time is 2 months ago. 

I replied [Umm...i read them but i'm not really understand it....]

[Kai Leng, I've been listening to this answer for many weeks, what you've been doing?!]

[Umm....um......um..................................]

and my boss sent me an email after he left Malaysia.

[You need to do following things......bla bla bla... Make sure you get all the information in hand by 11 July 2011.]

I print screen and put it on my desktop to remind me the tasks I need to do before they are back.

So, am I still in vacation right now?

I picked up the coffee I quit one year ago and keep convincing myself that I AM MOTIVATED, NOT STRESSED! Hahahahahhaha! Anyway, I am truly enjoy my lab mouse life =) Cheers!

Finale of my Biomedical science degree life

1. Fancy outing? CHECKED
2. Fancy food? CHECKED
3. Fancy job secured? CHECKED
4. Drunk by drinking korean soju and rice wine? CHECKED
5. Maintained moderate cgpa? CHECKED
6. Played hard? CHECKED
7. Get to know someone cool? CHECKED
8. Harmonized with coursemates? CHECKED
9. Did what i want? CHECKED
10. Study hard? CHECKED
11. Explored new stuff within myself? CHECKED
12. Did something desperately? CHECKED
13. Volunteered something? CHECKED
14. Learnt new language? CHECKED
15. Organized activities? either suka-rela or paksa-rela... CHECKED
16. Internet + laptop skills? CHECKED
17. Tears and laughters? CHECKED
18. Dance? CHECKED
19. Soul mates found? CHECKED
20. Band vocalist?CHECKED
21. Clubbing/ pub-ing? CHECKED
22. Vacation? CHECKED
23. Hurt someone? CHECKED
24. NO regrets? CHECKED.

End of my degree chapter. Let's start a brand new chapter babe!

Roller coaster chapter 1

Life is such a roller coaster and i'm just a passenger on it.

Decided to work as normal worker without any ambitious or any major plan in 2 years,

however, here i am. Go back to the research path.

Surprisingly, everything seems natural for me.

Before this, i was like - "either hometown and take care of my family or KL area and truly join the battle field."

Either dormant or active, that's all.

I think everything changed, starting on the moment i apply for the master project.

Unexpected, seriously.

First thought was just want to try my luck.

Accepted to work on this master project is largely due to my animated slide presentation.

That's another luck-trying. Luckily, it was not as bad as i thought it to be.

right now i'm still in disbelief. man....i'm going to further study.

Sincerely thanks my course mates for letting me move in to their house.

Flash back to the interview. I made some pretty stupid mistakes.

[So, do you have any other question?]

 Ya, i'm not sure i can come in June, cause i still haven't find housing.

[Well, you can ask those postgrads out there........old flat......K12......]

Yeah, but i also need to find transport cause i don't have transport.

[Well, bus services from old flat, UPM...equine park.............]

I was nodding my head for the entire session. In the end, i think he quite annoyed with this "problem" and said

[These are not an obstacle for you at all..............] etc tec

I was "yeah", "u-huh, u-huh", and Dr Cheah was observing me all the time while Dr Michael Ling did all the talking.

Then, come back to the same question.

[Do you have any other questions?]

I said "ya, so basically i will do all the reading etc etc in the first month, then start to do work on the second month?"and also "What time should i come for the lab? 9am??" and so on.

After a 5 hours nap, i started to roll my brain when i did my laundary.

"stupid me....holy crap....it was so unnecessary....bugging bout housing, transport & blah blah blah, oh shit...." was the only thing i got. 

I did it badly, it's so sad. I could have handled it better. 

My brain just jammed up and can't roll like it used to be. 

Blame it to the acute (2 weeks) sleep deprivation.

I'm going to have a Nigerian who published 4 papers as a degree holder and a Moroccan as teammates.

I was so traumatized till i can't help to keep thinking to improve myself.

I admit that i'm the worst in the neuroscience team. That's so sad.

Told my roommate bout this whole stuff yesterday.

[For the whole 6 months, they are going to shake their heads and go "tsk tsk tsk..." to me] I said.

[Try your best, you can do it, keep improving....] my roommate said.

then she asked [What's your mum's reaction bout this?]

Sadly, my mum was so tired and can't processed my words. 

In brief, my mum said [Find a house first lah, then see how loh, as long as you can provide yourself a meal, its okay...]

I said [but mum...i want MONEY....MONEY LEH.....]

[I also want money ah, but you sendiri decide lah]

[Ooh.......]

 So, basically, i'm on myself now.

I want to do research with a great pay. Money is my ultimate goal. You can call me materialistic or money-faced, but i'm loved money. That's the truth of me.

Meh......going to work it out anyway. 

Since i'm on the battle field, let's fight for our meals babe!

P.S: Siew, korea trip might postponed oh....sorry...

Sisters, let meet up in June/July ya!

Blistering blister

Till now i still wonder why i didn't feel any anxious and worries bout my hand.

Kay, story is like this.

One day i go to beach and la la la....i snorkeling, la la la...i put on all the sunblock, la la la....i eat plenty of fish, Oh, sorry, plenty of food, then la la la....i play with sea water all the time.

Come back to K17, nothing happened in my 1st day, but next my right hand, to be precisely, starts to get ITCHY.

So, i scratch loh.

The next day, BOOH! My right hand become black, especially the fingers. Back of my palm got some elderly age-marks.

 

1st day of darkening. See the half black middle finger?

So, i put lots and lots of lotion.

The next day, BAAM! Got 3 biji blisters!
I still thinking bout going to see doctor or not.
My family quite anxious bout all the cancer stuff, radiation from Japan lah etc etc....

Watching both of my hand, i feel nothing.
Bleach it? nah, never think of it.
No more evenly skin tone? hm..maybe.
All the scar and pigmentation, i feel normal. Perhaps i lost the sense of beauty.
Scar will heal eventually. Pigmentation will come as i'm getting older.

But i still wonder why i didn't feel anxious and feel ugly when i'm looking at my hands.
One thing for sure, cancer.
Not going to let my family to worry bout cancer. Comes to my thought that the croton oil i used in my FYP might exert something.
Everything comes with it own risk.
If this is the secondary sun burnt i've got from the Redang coke, i would love it =)

PS: Love, how bout we going to Krabi next year?

Rule ya!

Still have another, uhm...35 days till i can BREAK FREE!
Finally, im going to graduate!
Yay! I can't wait to start my whole new chapter of life.
Guess what? I'm going to get myself a danboard, a driving license, a brand new handphone and plenty of trip & travel after all this shit gets over!
I'm so going to take a road ahead and go!
Malacca trip with family first, Korea trip with loved Siew maybe.
Screw the bloody hell 2012 or something-look-a-like, i'm in charge of my life now!
Well, i'm not a missionary type of person. I'm a selfish bitch.
Try to get into my fishy zone if you want to get stink with me, i'm promise ya, no pain, no gain =)))
Oh, perhaps i'm just getting a little bit hype over here, some coffee job, ops, sorry.
I'm not a drunker, no, well, occasionally.
I must be crazy right now thinking bout all this, all i ever got to do is finish my result part 2 and start squeezing my discussion. Vomit out intro & literature review afterward.
Uhm...must be the "Redang island trip" coke. 
Tomorrow is my redang trip day with another 2 pretty-cool-crazy biachi. Threesome sounds nice for me as i prefer some loneliness right now. I wanna enjoy the wind, the sea, the fish and the people!
Till then, stay tuned my love, ain't left ya'all out of this. 


PS. 니가 필요해, 좋아해, 보고 싶은데, 경우에도 니가 몰라요.

2nd Malacca trip

Going to Malacca wasn't my intention in the 1st place due to all the fuss bout symposium i went last weekend, i'm quite tired to start a trip.

But, BOO! I'm going Malacca anyway coz i want to PLAY HARD.

1 hour of chit chatting bout Japanese language with Ah Pak (SSS = driver) made me realized actually i'm pretty much familiar with some common sentence  in Japanese. Hm...some credit to those BG & BL PC games i played.

We went to restaurant number 88! Haha, this number is so lucky. I have the chance to eat something Ah ken recommended......................Nyonya Laksa!!

Seriously, it is sour, spicy and loaded with meat. Lovin' it! The curry-look-alike below is Baba laksa! No santan but something like milk was put to bring out the laksa flavor, a little bit of milk sweet as you savor the laksa soup.

 Well, this one is a real stuff. Durian Cendol! I couldn't see the durian flesh there, i think they make it into some kind of creamy paste. I never knew durian can make cendol taste so special (in a good way LOL). 4 stars for this!!

Picture below illustrated DURIAN PUFF!! It was so tasty till the durian cream was burst our of SSS's mouth, muahahha! Thanks SSS for the entertainment-ness. 4 stars for this too! The shop is just beside "88" with 8 steps distance.

 

Next is our final and the ultimate intention of this Malacca trip. 

Mille Crepe from Nadeje restaurant ! 

Thousands layer of crepe are filled with cream and mousse! I love the texture in my mouth, especially the original flavor. Light sweet with some honey-like fragrance had abducted my taste buds. I bet this will beat secret recipe up if they open their outlet at KL.

 

Exhausted after all the rush bout my "material and method", im so dead tired so i slept all the way back K17.

*The bigger the pressure i've got, the stronger the urge to free myself out of this shyt. Blah, teenage rebellion? Guess so.

Oh ya, credits to my roomie for these pics!

Eyes opening

After attending the biomedic symposium, i realized i need a change. i mean an extreme makeover. From presentation style to my future view. I tend to narrow my sight due to my lack of confidence and more.

Things can be totally different if i hold them in another way.
I need to be creative, innovative, meticulous and most importantly BE BOLD.

Seriously, i never regret of be friend with some person in my course. They open my eyes to a wider view, not to become a typical chinese and learn to be a enjoyably and capable person.

I never forget how things changed in my eyes as i observe everything flow around me. For those who persist till the end, i admire you. For those who changed for the better, i envy of you. For those who seek for a new direction, i am going to learn from you.

I've been asleep for 3 years.

For this last semester, i want to race in my full speed and challenge myself to a higher potential.

I want to see where i am capable to reach after what i had achieved in my STPM.

Such a regret that i didn't make "TO WIN" as my goal in this symposium, meh....instead I'm doing "AVOID BEING EMBARRASSED /LOSE FACE". Perhaps thing will be different if i determined to win in the first place.Uhh, after a second thought. Nope. Because my presentation style is just WAY OFF compared to others. This kind of thing can't build overnight, so meh... take it as a lesson so i can do much much better in my VIVA later =))))

I am so fortunate that i was not choosing other PKK course except for life cycle for this semester. Transgenic & Medical Biotech did actually help me a lot in understand things outside my "skin cancer mouse model" box. Plus, Ethnopharmacology really boost my confident & knowledge about my FYP. Everything is related. Thanks for my sane which comes around last minute, thanks god.

And thanks god for letting me taste some heavenly seafood in Kuantan!

苦与甘

有时觉得自己真的是有点那个的。。。
深知自己是个需要外来动力才能向前走的人，不然你就会看到我继续的颓废下去，蘑菇就一直种一直种。
茅塞顿开，是我这一次的感觉。
之前的任性，漠视等等等等都是我的前奏。
看请了自己前面的选择，我一点都不后悔，因为早在几年前我就已经决定和他们呆在一起。
他们才是我的归宿。
责任感？不是，我不是个责任感的人。赋予我的责任只要在我眼中或心中没有重量是个零，更谈不上是个包袱。
不甘于现状？对。我是个有野心的人，不过你们看不到它的方向。
我不会说出：“为了他们” 这种话，因为那是推卸的说辞。
甘心，开心，愿意呆在一起，是我的选择，甘之如饴。

坦白说，我是个喜欢自虐的人。
小说啦，感情啦，课业啦，有虐才能感受果实的甜美嘛。
 看着以前会觉得是“背叛”的事情，淡然是我的感觉。
原来，当我建筑在他的信任上的感情淡然至消失，连所谓的“背叛”都没有impact power了。
当初的要生要死到现在的平淡，我深悟原来一开始就没有所谓的“感情”。
难怪他人总说爱情是盲目的。真的。
冷漠吗？不是。是一开始就以局外者的角度去尝试感受局内者的惊涛骇浪。
真的是超爱自虐的我。

友人说的话，一直让我有肯定又疑惑的感觉。
我没自信能给我的爱人幸福。
是的。这点，我是自卑的。
发放开去追并不是我的勇敢，而是我的逞强。
也许，我们都适合平淡的爱情吧？不求轰轰烈烈，但求细水长流，好让我们以后细细品尝，对吧？
自虐的我配上淡如水却犹如空气般自然的爱情，怪。
来吧来吧，替我把幕帘拉开，让我看看世人所深信又唾弃的感情是怎么个虐法。

Diary 2011

Let me talk this briefly.
It's my final semester.
I have decided.
Im going home and work.
Further study? After i settle my family down, when i finally can "RIP", then i will pursuit what i want. Well, probably "what i want" at that time will be different though.

FYP is making my hair go fuzzy and lesser and lesser =.=
Hopefully i can make it a go.

Others? Not my priority now. I need to be "RIP" then i can continue other stuff.

So, ciao!